La Tomatina is the week long food fight festival in Bunol, Spain. Every year on the last Wednesday of August, the small town of Bunol, with a meager population of 9,000, graciously welcomes 20-40k people into their town for the largest tomato fight ever! Catapulting tomatoes create chaos and pandemonium for exactly one hour. At that point the water cannons sound indicating a cease in the food flinging. Sounds like a rip-roaring, tomato-tossing, glorious-good time, if you could make it to Spain! Well don’t shed a tomato tear any longer my friend because the Tomato Battle is making its way across the country and will be stopping in Portland on July 21st!
The Tomato Battle
unifies as many as 5,000 fruit-chucking fanatics for an afternoon of dancing to music, sipping libations, and flinging 300,000 pounds of roma tomatoes at one another. Mosh in a ketchup-covered fray that marries the traditions of Spain’s La Tomatina tomato-throwing festival and Germany’s Oktoberfest. Festivities commence at noon with registration and opening, followed by live entertainment and a costume contest. At 4:00 p.m., soldiers donning bathing suits, safety goggles, and well-treaded shoes converge on piles of past-ripe tomatoes and set about pelting people with fruits like sentient apple trees avenging the initial-carving of amorous teenagers. Beats and beer flow until past 6 p.m., when ruddy troops lay down their arms and rinse themselves clean of pulp and juice. An extra set of clothes is highly recommended.
All of the tomatoes used during the exhibition will have been previously marked for disposal, making the Tomato Battle an efficient and entertaining use of nonedible waste.
Tomato Battle is coming to the MacTarnahan’s Taproom in Portland, July 21, 2012
*Must be 21 or older to attend this event*
Buy your ticket now!
Schedule of Events for Saturday July 21, 2012
Noon Registration & Beer Garden Opens
1:00 p.m. Live Entertainment by TBD
3:30 p.m. Costume Contest
4:00 p.m. Tomato Battle Begins
4:30 p.m. Live Entertainment by TBD
6:00 p.m. Wash up and go home!
The English had John Hawkins, Sir Francis Drake and Walter Raleigh. Portland has Finger and 10 or so, lesser well-known, Partial Pirates. Blimey!
Portland has “Partial Pirates?” Ok, as I read the article it didn’t really have the same allure and romanticism that Johnny Depp brings to mind but I am a girl who is fascinated by pirates, so I’m intrigued. Finger may have the tendencies to be a carouser, he is a pirate after all, but many boat owners who moor along the Willamette also state he is a stand up guy and the first to step up and help out anyone in need.
The Waterfront Blues Festival starts July 4th and this is the event Finger, and the rest of the partial pirates, have set down anchor for. He has also built two floating pirate viewing docks and crafted 1 raft, in the likeness of Huckleberry Finn’s, that will be used to ferry people over to the pirate docks! Finger seems to be a Pirate/party planner and he plans to “…have the best fucking seats in the house.” for this year’s 25th Anniversary Waterfront Blues Festival.
To read more about Finger check out this article, originally printed June 14, 2012 in the Willamette Week, written by JOHN LOCANTHI
Hobo Pirates of the North Willamette Yo, ho, ho and a can of PBR.
The morning sun slips through gaps in the patchwork drapes of the captain’s quarters, landing an unwelcome blow on Finger’s sleeping face.
The hungover pirate rises from his untidy bed, grabbing a can of PBR as he walks past his drum set in the pilot’s cabin.
Finger hops from his boat onto his makeshift, free-floating dock near Tom McCall Waterfront Park. Five anchors hold his dock in place, leaving it just loose enough to give it a perpetual sway. Two Jolly Rogers face the shore, fluttering in the gentle wind. One is a traditional skull and cross bones, the other a hand flipping the bird.Crumpled beer cans litter his ship’s deck. Greasy pots and pans sit on the grill. A beat up blue dinghy is tied to a skateboard plank at the aft end. It’s the only way on and off the deck (for now).Looking at the chromatic collection of cheap beer cans in his tip bucket, Finger spits and bellows a hearty laugh.”It was a group effort messing up this dock,” he says, wiping a dreadlock from his tanned, leathery face. “I’m cleanin’ up shit until the others help out.”He pops open his PBR. Time for his morning “coffee.”
Finger has been living as a “Partial Pirate” on the river for three years now. Three winters, to be precise. That’s how Finger and his ilk measure time out here, as the brutal cold tests the mettle of even the scurviest of sea dogs. Some load up on propane tanks for heating, some just bundle up under a mountain of flannel and blankets. It’s a rough season regardless for the 10 or so Partial Pirates who live on the Willamette.
But it’s summer now. The sun is out, flocks of Canada geese and their goslings are covering the waterfront parks with a healthy layer of shit, and Bluesfest is on the horizon.
Finger and his tribe move from place to place throughout the year. Sometimes by their own choice, others when the river patrol tells them they’ve been in one spot too long. But they come back to this spot to make port every July. The festival along the waterfront caters to maritime music fans. The public docks at the nearby marina even allow people to be tied up for a free week.
Finger and fellow Partial Pirate Chris are not tied up at the marina. Finger’s boat wouldn’t fit—not that he wanted to anyway.
“We got the best fucking seats in the house,” Finger says.
His floating docks are equidistant between the two stages opening on Independence Day. Not too far from shore, either.
More Partial Pirates are on the way. Finger recently helped procure a sailboat for a friend in St. Helens who should be down shortly. A few are already tied up at the marina. All part of the big plans for the festival.
The wooden planks and large blocks of styrofoam on Finger’s dock are the beginnings of a large raft. Modeled after old illustrations from Huckleberry Finn, it’s going to be used to ferry larger crowds over to the pirate deck. The Huck Finn Raft is going to transform the waterfront festival into a party on the water—at least that’s the hope.
“We’re gonna wear straw hats and shit,” says Chris, taking a sip from his pounder of Rolling Rock.
A stripper pole is on the way for Bluesfest as well.
But living in a boat on the river is not an endless party. Keeping his boat in working condition is a full-time job for Chris, who says he’ll soon go to Portland Community College to study manufacturing. The nearest public pumpout is broken and locked up, though the Partial Pirates feel this is a passive-aggressive gesture to get them to leave, forcing Chris and the others to carry barrels of their shit to portable toilets and other places to dispose of it.
“I just paddle over to shore and sprint over to Starbucks or something,” Finger says. “This isn’t going to get in the way o’ Bluesfest.”
After the festival’s over, the pirate will return to his normal life, or as close to normal as that gets: repairing motors, drumming, drinking, and anchoring wherever he pleases. He makes between $30 and $50 a night playing his djembe outside Voodoo Doughnut on the weekends.
“My van was towed while I was sleeping in it,” Finger says. “I got that thing paid off, got in this boat, and never looked back. I can do what I want out here.”
The Partial Pirate tosses aside his empty beer can, picks up a coffee mug, adds in some coffee powder, and jumps in his little blue dinghy. Free hot water can be found ashore.
“Time for my real coffee,” says Finger as he paddles over to the waterfront.
50 Shades of Grey, the hottest thing out in mommy-world since the magic eraser hit the shelves at Target! Even my mother texted me to ask if I had heard about these books. I reluctantly asked if she knew what they were about and when she replied with an enthusiastic Yes!, I ended the conversation. Then she asked if she could borrow my books! Yes I have them, and yes I read them- all three. I read the first book in Cabo. I kept rereading the pages not because of the crazy, pretzel twisting, eye-rolling, lip-biting, tie-her-up like he’s a rodeo cowboy and she’s the calf he’s roping —The resort happened to be an all inclusive resort and the constant flow of drinks had me constantly forgetting to dog-ear my page! I did read the two sequels and I have to say I was bored. Anastasia didn’t become anymore mature, she actually became more juvenile and by the end I wanted to gag her myself and take a spin at Christian and see what he’d do with a real women. So I went to the Heathman Hotel and waited….. Charlie Tango never touched down.
While I waited I learned that The Heathman Hotel is now offering 50 Shades of Grey packages to their hotel guests! I love this story from the Willamette Week that gives us play by naughty play what exactly happened at the Heathman Hotel. I laugh and then cringe thinking this is Portland’s next tourism hook!
**Red Room of Pain colored texted**
What Exactly Happens In Portland’s Heathman Hotel In 50 Shades of Grey?
article originally posted in Willamette Week May 25, 2012
The name gives you an idea of what to expect, but really – a visit is a must- to fully comprehend the strangely peculiar wares that are housed in this museum.
It is said the famed, yet unknown Portland adventurer, Conrad Talmadge spent a life time traveling the globe in search of the inexplicable and the freaky. The peculiarium is the product of his strange obsession.
As you enter the pepto bismol pink building on NW Thurman St, all your senses are instantly stimulated. A streaming loop begins to play through the hollows of your head, my voice takes on the persona of Mel Brooks and says: What in the Wide World of Sports is a-going on here?
Of course! Continue reading